Tonight

Tonight, my best friend turned 18.

She's the second youngest of our group of friends, and tonight she joined the ranks of the legal adults!

Only, of course, we're not actually adults. Not in behavior, anyway. Not in maturity.

We ran to one another as though it had been a million years, spoke loudly and chortled in our laughter.

Essentially, we were the annoying kids at the back of the restaurant (I am deeply ashamed).

Somewhere between catching up and emotional Disney sing-alongs, the funeral I had just went to the week before came to mind:

I saw my cousins for the first time since I was born--all fine men and women between 25-35, perpetually frozen as scrappy teenagers in the stories I heard from my parents.

Despite trying to stay on my best behavior and converse like a grown-up, they were very understanding of my childish Facebook name, slouched posture, and goofy grins.

One cousin even reminded me of all the times her and my older sister drove around for food and to check out boys! I'm not sure how she felt about my going to cons, but she didn't judge.

Juxtaposing those girl my cousin spoke of--the ones who waisted gas on "mensada y media"--to the girls and boys at the restaurant tonight, I couldn't help but laugh to myself.

Both sets were barely gaining the ability to think complexly, and we believed ourselves so mature but a year ago!

Half-serious, we joked about our de-maturing before a wiser, more honest friend laughed out "No, we just pretended to be more mature!"

When asking my mom about how normal that was, she just shook her head, saying this was the most mature thing in the world. That we're growing up just fine.

Maybe letting go is first step to really growing up.

Well. . . . .

My laptop died! A few days back, my baby refused to accept the charger anymore. I like to think she's just in comatose and can hear my weeping howls of pain.

This means I no longer have spellcheck, as I'm stuck using the blogger app on my phone and I no longer have a camera or editing software to make videos. fml.

Now I have to fill this personal diary in! My dear therapist readers,what have ya'll missed? My haircut? My last week of school? My grad night problem? My niece being born?!

Everything and nothing.

With the last day of my "high school career" sliding away as I clack on a touchscreen, I've got nothing left to do but ponder:

Children talk about their future families and plans, pass around their yearbooks and remember what it was like to be younger. We have everything in front of our lives and I wonder what it's gonna be like.

I still entertain the idea of turning into a space bandit or time traveler, silently (not-so-silently to my best friends).

My most realistic goals are renovating an abandoned mansion and/or working for Disney.

Yet "in reality", I'm just deeply afraid of doing nothing worth remembering with my life. Especially now: I am older than Andrew Garfield's Spiderman!

I don't know what's to come, I just don't want to be stuck like this: a kid dreaming about cool stuff they'll get done at some point. To quote the gargoils in Notre Dame, "No one wants to be cooped up here forever".

With Love
Nikola Strange
---------(0.0)---------------------------------
Notes:
Today's Grad Night! :D
Hopefully, I'll have pics up on instagram. . . maybe.

I'd like to thank my wonderful teachers! Even if you think I didn't appreciate, ya'll were great!
I'd also like to thank mom, dad, and my sisters (best friends included, you goofballs). You've supported me through the mood swings, the idiotic tendencies, the mental breakdowns, the . . . .general nicky-ness! I owe you all a big pizza! :D

I'd also like to thank myself. Good for you, not giving up until the last semester. You go, woman-girl-lady!

Respect for female humans. :)

I got catcalled today.

The "Good Old Days" were beautiful.

We've all witnessed the series finale of The Office, correct?

Despite the fact I've never seen the show (this is when a ton of you turn away disgusted), I did relate heavily to an Andy Bernard gif that circulated around tumblr: "I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them."

About a year ago during my Junior year, my friend and I were waving to each other early in the morning before school, or late in the afternoon when school was done with. That average day was sort of shit, but when I looked at her, waving, on the tips of her toes, smiling over at me, I knew right there she was beautiful.

I am artist. . . .thing.

Sometimes I feel as though I'm cheating myself when I say "I'M AN ARTIST, LULZZ!!" and never post any art. Like people are judging and I have something to prove.

Realistically speaking, no one gives a shit.

But I do, so I'll be posting up some things I sorta still like.

I don't know if I can put up any of my AP porfolio up before turning it in, but to be honest it's all I've had time to do at the moment. I'd like to know if it's okay before putting anything up online, so for now have some old stuff! :D

It started with a bubble and turned into a face.

Across the sea can mean a number of things.

Yet again I’m traveling through one of those anxious bouts where I have to shake up everything I’m doing because I feel I’m doing too much of one thing—currently it’s watching the same old vlogs and listening to the same old conversations again—and then I found this

“There’s a girl across the sea, and although I’m happy being loved it never feels like love to me.” Though this is probably supposed to be a love song, my mind drifted back to an uncomfortable scene—first day of freshmen year, with no friends, trying to talk with a girl I used to know and her click of friends.

People don’t have to be physically far away to be across a sea.

Hell, my entire memory of the first few months of middle school’s essentially standing in a sea of people and not a single person to talk to.

How odd that the human psyche can find some comfort in awkward past situations. I guess it shows how much you’ve grown and how much better your life is now.

I guess I’ve changed some, but it hasn’t been much, I don’t think. Just some more self-confidence and better social skills. And friends. Friends are an important thing to note.

Thank you, Alex Day. *wink*

I’d suggest checkin’ him out on YouTube if you haven’t—he’s under Nerimon. :D

With love,
Nikola Strange
--------------------------------------------------------(0__0)--------------------------------------------

f you liked what you’ve read, subscribe to my blog! There’s a little button on the main pagey thing somewhere, so click on it!
Or bookmark this page and check up on it repeatedly.
Or find me on tumblr (same name: Nikola Strange) and follow me there! I’ll be posting up shameless self-advertisement there! :D
I'm also bloggin' on YouTube (still same name: Nikola Strange)
this blog is also part of a conglomerate of blogs  on facebook!! (link's in purple) Like us and stuff! :DD