Often times I'll find myself daydreaming about being 20 or 21 with a job and a small place somewhere. Enough to live and have some nice clothing and maybe even some fancy possessions if I save enough money.
Then I get back to life and realize I'm still 18 and on vacation after one semester of college.
That I still live with my parents and eat the food my mom cooks and have my meals played at restaurants and I go back to daydreaming with some level of illogical shame.
"Meh" both of my parents went when I mentioned this once. "You're the last one we got [in the nest]!"
"If I can't treat you, then who else?"
The sentiment is sweet. And I'll always appreciate it.
But time's a-tickin' and I'll have to occupy myself with other things as well.
I can't wait for the break to be over. I miss college! Where's the challenge?! Where's the pressures of being on your own?! Where's the life-destroying sword of Damocles?! I miss that demented game of minesweeper which came with the instilled mentality of the college shift: everything in life was at stake every time I did an art project, or wrote an essay, or took a math test!
I genuinely miss being at my wit's end all the time!
Now that there's no work to be done and no new news from my school. . . .I'm not sure what to do.
"Enjoy your stay." I tell myself. But what kind of stay is this? Nirvana isn't for me anymore, I don't think.
I'm not cut out for babysitting.
If my schedule doesn't work out I'll get a job! If it does work out, I'll stress out over that.
But right now, at this very instant?.
At least Sherlock season 3 is on.
N.S.
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