What is innocence?

My sister and I were hanging out today. Whenever I'm with her, the car rides are always long and quiet. Of the two of my sisters, I think I'm closest to this one. She's the second to youngest (there are three of us), and she seems to care the most.

I tried to start a conversation to mentioning I actually enjoyed watching CSPAN, and that I'm a major nerd for it.

She told me she thought I watched it to fake being smart. I agreed, and joked about being a "highly educated stupid person".

It got quiet again, and she just repeated herself. "I just--I don't know!" I just agreed. "I had a job at your age, at 18 I was engaged--" I laughed and said I didn't like people. "I'm not saying you need to be engaged, but. . . .  I dunno." I sorta got where she was going with it. "You need to get a job. You need to go to school. You need to grow up, you know? You're still so innocent, and it's starting to annoy me." I'm 17. And she has a point. 

"You're going to be an adult in a year--"
Young adult, technically.
"No, you'll be a full adult under the law. You can drive, you can vote, you can do everything! Why don't you drive."

She went off over how I'm going to be able to do everything under the eyes of the law. How I'm not looking for a job, and how I don't do anything.

I kept thinking she was in learning center at my age, and how I'm taking a top of higher level classes, but in the end she still has a point. I don't do anything, really.

I mentioned FAFSA and how I needed it done for scholarships, which I guess is only partly true. But you also have to be living in the US for a lot of these, so. . . .
She said I was too dependent on others and don't take responsibility. And that I need to learn the world doesn't revolve around my room.

Today was my nephew's first day of school. My sister cried for about 30 minutes after leaving him, and got to the school about 10 or so minutes early. She waited at the gate for four, claiming we could never understand how close her and her baby were.

He has a slight speech problem, because he never interacted with other children. I genuinely hope he doesn't turn out to be like me.

With love
Nikola Strange.

I am a vampire.

It's odd how relaxing music can be, yes?

During the last few days I've been stressed out of my mind for random, stupid things. A simple song, maybe three or four chords, acoustic, with lyrics on being a vampire has helped sooth.

We've all been there, I think. Where a stupid song you haven't heard in years comes to mind and you suddenly can't stop listening to it because it pacifies your emotions, whatever those emotions may be.

Well, I have ideas as to why: the song takes you back to better times? This particular song by Ansty Pantsy brings back memories of Juno, one of my favorite movies, and middle school. The song's tone expresses your emotions? It sounds pretty calm and slightly depressing to me. The song either simplifies or complicates your feelings as to make them easier to cope with? Well it is very chill. Four chords. Definitely less stressful than my own abstract thoughts!

I might as well say right now I don't own Ansty Pantsy, Juno, or this video above. In fact, my youtube name's the same as my blog name. Thanks, Google+!

With Love,
Nikola Strange.